Waking Up With Dread

I always thought that mornings were the best time of the day. You wake up, ready to tackle the day, thankful that God has graced you with another day in this world. For me, I wake up with dread. I don't know who invited dread into my life. I don't even know when he came. He's here though and I want him gone.
I go to bed with so much hope and peace in my heart. By morning it's gone. I wake up with a thought, a worry, something that makes me pretty much jump out of bed. Where do the thoughts come from? I was asleep, give me a break! The thoughts go directly to my kids, to my life, to my death, to everything that people push aside and not think about. I just want to wake up like a normal person one day.

My friend's mom passed away last night. Many friends/family are dealing with cancer. They have peace, they have hope, they have a calmness to them that I don't understand. If I could ask for anything in life, calmness would be what I want more than anything. For now, peace and calm are just an illusion.

For now, I'll keep trying. I'll keep pushing myself to get out of bed every day. I'll keep praying for a miracle, for a word, for guidance and for that peace that I've never known.

For now, this picture will be my peace today. Enjoy!