How Do You Keep Up?

I can't keep up. I love to journal, love to write, but when it comes down to it, I'm always behind. I've always been told, I'll be late to my own funeral. Actually, that's fine with me.
This new job is kicking my butt. My feet hurt! My back aches from standing all day long.
I have to admit I love it though. It feels good to be back out among the living. It might not have been my chosen profession but I work with a bunch of great people and I'm finally finding some happiness.
Wish my home life would be the same. Tomorrow the other half is going to talk to someone. I hope it helps!
If not,  tomorrow might not be a good day around here. Not sure what's going to happen but if things don't work out, I will need to find yet a 3rd job in order to support myself and two kids still at home.
I have hope, I have the faith that God will work it all out. For the first time, I feel at peace with this and know that I'm a survivor and have been since I was a little girl and that I have it in me to do what it takes to be okay.
Blessings to all of you and I hope that you also realize how strong you are. You may not feel it sometimes but it's there!

Changing Seasons

The air is becoming slightly cooler lately and I know that fall is just around the corner. I can't wait!!!! It hasn't been the only change that has come to my life. I now have an outside of the home "job!" I have just started my second week and I really love what I'm doing. I work at the post office. Although, it's not a job where I have my degree in or where I have trained to be, it was an open door for me to venture through. For five years I have had my own business. It came at a time where I needed to be home. Many reasons for it. It served its purpose and taught me alot. Working at the post office I do shipping like I did here but OMG there is so much more that the post office does than what I did. So much more to learn. I plan on holding on to the glass business for as long as I can but with such a down economy, time seems to be running out for me. It's okay though. If this door shuts, I know another one will open. I am now partially separated after 29 years of marriage. Not much of a surprise there. It seems that a dispute or an argument always results in the famous words....."I'm done, and moving out." It never happens but it puts alot of stress on me when those words are said. In a way, I look at it like "Crying Wolf!" because after putting me in "panic mode" and wondering how I am going to take care of myself and my two kids still at home, the "other person" is back to normal. It feels like a routine now and I back up and keep my mouth shut so that it doesn't happen again. I guess being stepped on is normal to me and that's not right.
I cannot allow him to keep doing this to me. To keep scaring me and putting me through hell. Maybe in a way this is his plan. To break me. To make me so scared that I change into the person he wants me to be.
It's not going to happen. I am me. I am proud to be me and I won't change for anyone. I don't think anyone has the right to change a person's character.

We'll see what the future holds but working outside of the home is my best defense in trying to pay bills and to hopefully give myself a future. A future where I can take care of myself and the kids without having to rely on anyone else.
I hope in the long run, the race was worth running!

Life Changes

There comes a time in your life that you "need" more. I'm not talking about material possessions but more of a purpose. I've spent 26 years being a mom and working various jobs. I even had a few of my own small business ventures. In 2006 I started lampworking and a few months later, I started a business knowing NOTHING about the glass business. I started importing glass from Germany and within the states. I started from nothing and I am proud to say, turned this into a very well known company. I'm in awe on how many people know who I am. It just blows me away.
But sometimes we come to a point in our life where we want more. Don't get me wrong. I love what I do and every single customer is pretty much a friend of mine. We can talk about tons of things. All of them have gotten me through some rough times and have made me laugh in the midst of a storm. For them, I am grateful for their support.

This economy has hurt many of them which makes me sad. Even the big glass companies are hurting so much that they are offering sales that I just cannot compete with. It's frustrating. I love my glass distributor and all the girls in the office but I still don't have to agree with some of their business practices. I understand cutbacks, sales, layoffs and such but to undercut your own vendors is just wrong to me. We spend tens of thousands of dollars with them through the year and it just doesn't make sense. It has sucked the joy out of lampworking, jewelry making and anything else that has to do with the art. That shouldn't happen.

As it gets worse, I've had time to think about life. I need more out of it. I want to give back to my community and to make a difference in someone's life. That to me is what life is about. That's what brings a person joy:-) Something I don't have right now. In fact, I feel like someone is just sucking my creativity out of me and I don't enjoy doing what I loved just a year ago. That will have to be something I work on this year. It also doesn't help when your stuff that your proud of, worked hard making isn't selling either. Again, the economy has taken a toll.

So for now, I've taken a part time job, I have started the process of volunteering at my hospital and have also applied for employment at my hospital. It's time to give back! I hope it's the beginning of a new chapter in my life and something that will make me smile again.

Flame Kissed Glass will still be open. I'm not ready to give it up but need to supplement it with something positive if that makes sense. It might just be what the dr. ordered.

I hope you'll follow me on this journey of finding myself again. Like alot of mom's out there, It's finding yourself after your kids don't need you anymore.

I thank all my customers for their business and the fact that they keep coming back. I promise you that I will do my best in maintaining the customer service that you are accustomed to. Please be patient with me for a little while, as I figure out how all this fits in.
I love you all!!!!

Insomnia

I really hate those nights where you just can't feel the peace you need to fall asleep. Here it is almost 2:30am and I'm restless. Maybe it would be a good time to torch? Knowing me, I'd probably then fall asleep as I was in the middle of melting glass and that wouldn't be a good thing. Instead, after 2 hours of fighting to fall asleep, I decided to come here and write.

Did you know that typing does wonders for an anxious mind? Anxiety needs all your focus. If you don't give it all, you can't be anxious. Have you ever noticed that you can't laugh when your crying, you can't be angry when you're in pain, you can't be anxious during those times either. You can't share two emotions at once. Alot of people that have anxiety have a rubber band around their wrist. Why? So when they start getting anxious feelings they can snap it. The pain from that shifts the mind to it and off of the anxiety. Sometime that is all a person needs to "Snap out of it" so to speak. Typing is the same way. Your mind is focusing on writing and concentrating on the keys you press so it distracts your mind from the anxiety.

When you really think about it, this is what life is. Distractions! Everyone does something else so they don't have to  think about the things they really don't want to. A bad thought enters the mind and off you go to do something to keep your mind busy. Some people count, some clean house, and me, well I just type. Like I said, sometimes it's all you need.

Now I am going to try and sleep again :-)

Is It Fall Yet?

I'm still waiting for the fall to sneak up on us in a delightful way. I know I'm dreaming but it would be nice to see some cooler weather for a few days and give us all a break. I've been trying to torch at night when it's cooler outside. Doesn't seem to help much. I can jump in the shower and then while my hair is still damp, hop on the torch. It helps for a little while.

I've been distracted alot lately. Family things going on here and there and I just feel overwhelmed with it all. I really could use a vacation but as you know I don't go many places anymore. Hard to go to a peaceful destination when you can't drive there.
But were working on it. In fact, I'm out the door to talk all these things out. Here's a bead set that I made though. Hope you like it. It's on ebay too!
Autumn Rainbow

Getting out of the box

I've always been an "in box" kind of person. Everything has to match up, symmetrical, and perfect. I realized today that it's not working. So I'm stepping out of the box. Tonight, I have plans to make something totally "not" me. I want jewelry and beads that stand out. Something where when some person walks by, they do a double take and say, "Whoa! Where did you get that?" That's the me I want to be. The time is now. I have so much glass, too many beads, so many ideas that are rattling inside my head but never comes out. Time to change that don't you think?
Now this bead set isn't my "coming out of my box" set but more of a "setting my mind at ease" set.  I needed something to remind me of a beautiful place. A place that is warm and inviting. I love looking at trees. I love to watch the wind blow through the leaves and close my eyes and smell the air. We still have a few months before that happens so I decided to create it myself.
This is my leave set! It's available on ebay right now too :-)

Autumn Leaves on Ebay!

Waking Up With Dread

I always thought that mornings were the best time of the day. You wake up, ready to tackle the day, thankful that God has graced you with another day in this world. For me, I wake up with dread. I don't know who invited dread into my life. I don't even know when he came. He's here though and I want him gone.
I go to bed with so much hope and peace in my heart. By morning it's gone. I wake up with a thought, a worry, something that makes me pretty much jump out of bed. Where do the thoughts come from? I was asleep, give me a break! The thoughts go directly to my kids, to my life, to my death, to everything that people push aside and not think about. I just want to wake up like a normal person one day.

My friend's mom passed away last night. Many friends/family are dealing with cancer. They have peace, they have hope, they have a calmness to them that I don't understand. If I could ask for anything in life, calmness would be what I want more than anything. For now, peace and calm are just an illusion.

For now, I'll keep trying. I'll keep pushing myself to get out of bed every day. I'll keep praying for a miracle, for a word, for guidance and for that peace that I've never known.

For now, this picture will be my peace today. Enjoy!

Sunday, Beautiful Sunday!

It's always a good day when you wake up and the sun is shining! Even better day when you just wake up ;-)
 I have all kinds of plans today but can't figure out which to do. Today is my "official" day off and I normally spend it cleaning house but today, the sun is asking me to play. The pool however, is cloudy. It wasn't like that yesterday! I guess I'll let the day lead me.
Here's your inspirational picture for the day. Now GO create something!

I've Joined The Party!

First of all, I am not a really great blogger. I love to write when I know what I want to say. I guess I can start off by saying today is a beautiful day. The sun is shining, there is no wind (yet) and I've been sitting here taking pictures of beads all morning. That is probably the hardest thing for me to do. I love to make beads but I just hate taking that "perfect" picture. I realized this morning that I seriously need a new camera. Thank goodness for my daughter Taylor! She came to the rescue with hers for now.

I am in a color combo challenge. This week's theme was titled, "Monkey Business!" These were our colors and what I made with those colors are below. Hope you like them! They will be listed in my Etsy store later today.
Have a Glorious Weekend!